I learned a hard lesson!

This may be one of the most unusual posts that you’ve seen me post in a while but I have something on my mind today that I need to get off of my chest. I am posting this to free my own mind and to help any of you who may be going through the same thing. Ok, so I am older now in life and I thank God for carrying me through this long. I lost my original parents when I was 3 months old to murder-suicide. I was the baby. My father decided to leave 10 children behind by shooting my mother and shooting himself, allegedly over child support. For all of you father’s out there who are upset about child support, believe me when I say, you will be greatly honored and adored if you just pay it as best as you can and leave the mother to do whatever she wants to do. If she buys junk with it, it is not on your hands. The best you can do is to report it. Don’t leave children to the fend for themselves in the World because you “just couldn’t take it anymore.”
All my life, I have been the “flighty girl,” the “odd orphan” that no one liked. I’ve heard it all, “she’s wierd,” “I hate her,” “why do we have to take her?” At least I can say one thing about my dad, or should I say my mom, because I did get a couple hundred dollars when he died. I think back then, in the 50’s, children got $250 a month for being the child of a veteran. Some of the houses that I lived in took me for the money and hated my guts but that’s ok, I had a roof over my head right? Even in my young adult life, I was always the one to drive my friends to clubs, pay their way in, buy their drinks, buy their cigarettes, etc. If the car broke down, it was my fault. If I had no gas, they were upset. I took care of one of my girlfriends so much that I got upset and said to myself sarcastically, “I may as well be her boyfriend! I buy everything that she needs!” Well, I am not gay nor bisexual, it’s not my cup of tea really, I had just had enough of working in Washington County Courthouse for Commissioner Frank Mascara (who was awesomely cool,) in Washington, Pa. but spending all of my pay on someone that just sucked my pockets dry. I was definitely a little tomboy when I was a kid, quick reflexed,  and double jointed and yes, I could do a mean frontwards flip with no hands, but I was and still am DEFINITELY a girly girl deep inside. One day I may meet a nice man to be my Boaz, love me and take care of me as I cook my behind off for him and have a wonderful life with him. (Yes, I dig cooking. 😉 )
I sit here with no help, no transportation, no man to talk to therefore I talk my poor daughter to death. My son works for those fracking companies. He gets in touch on a constant basis though. I had 2 beautiful Lincolns. A dark blue one that did everything but tap dance seat warmers and all. And it was like a low-rider, it lifted when I started it up. A man broad-sided me and spun that Lincoln around horribly. To this day, it’s hard for me to put my clothes on because my shoulders refuse to lift my blouses and remove them. I lay in bed sore everyday, on Etodolac for pain. I hate pills. I try not to take them. I take them maybe 3 times a week or so. I had a Gold Lincoln last year but I sold it for a trip. I thought I would have another one by now but no go. Ok, here’s why I wrote this….where is my help? Where are the people who will take me shopping? Buy me a Dr. Pepper once in a while and a burger? Sit at a fishing bank with me and laugh at all the ones that we let get away? Life is strange folks. By the Grace of God, I stopped smoking February 8th of 1997 but can’t my friends buy or send me some chocolate via UPS or something? Still I do computer work for folks, give things away at times when God affords me to be able to do so, and comfort people via phone or email. And Facebook! As soon as I log on in the morning to put my well-known and liked, “Good Morning”(s) on there, people pop up in Messenger asking for me to pray for them. Or there are guys from other countries asking to date me. I’m like, “Yea! I’m 100 years old now and you say I am the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen!? Right.” And right after that, they ask if I can send them money to travel to the United States to live with me. Lol.
I think that I am writing this today because I tire of always being there for others and it’s so hard to find someone to be there for you without some type of agenda. Don’t get it twisted, I love helping people but I am human. I do love to be appreciated. Did you ever feel as though nothing that you do for people is appreciated? That’s a horrible feeling. Lowest ‘man’ on the totem pole, smallest member of the tribe. So, I don’t look as good as I used to years ago but I am aging quite well thank you. I am no longer slim, trim with a huge afro like before but I can do some awesome computer work, sing, cook, and make people laugh. I have many flaws, I know that I am not perfect but I certainly am not dead yet.
You bounce from person to person, company to company, field to field only to end up alone and in someone’s way. Here’s the question: Why SHOULDN’T I brag about Jesus? He is the only one who still appreciates me and talks to my heart. Yes, I actually HEAR Him, it’s real. His voice is beautiful. I don’t hear Him audibly much, maybe a few times a year but I hear Him in my heart a LOT. Wow, you are probably saying, “What a writing. Smh.” One thing that I am glad about and sure of is that through my many years of living, God has been faithful. No one need not approach me with that silly Egyptian, Bird-face god stuff because I just may get a bit indignant with them. No Nor/Norse gods, no Cleopatra, no Tree-hugging…..
My Best friends name is Jesus the Christ, Yeshua HaMasciach. My best friend lived and died on a horrible cross and get this….He even ROSE AGAIN …. just for me, just so that I can know in my heart that there is a place for me in His Kingdom. Isn’t that cool? As the Doobie Brothers used to sing, “Jesus is just alright with me.” Yea, Jesus is alright. And He did it for you too, not just me.
Thanks for reading. And if you have any questions about Him, simply ask Him. Still your busy mind and He will answer you in ways unimaginable.
11218906_10155620988640014_4072355374165774887_n Me then. Marine Corps pic.

Me now, just older. 😉


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