As an orphan from the time I was 3 months old until my second mother died life has been strange. I bounced around like a rubber ball from home to home looking for love yet never finding it. I must say though that God sent a beautiful woman into my life named Hazel Marie Carroll but even she left me when I was 8 years old due to leukemia. After that life really became a trip. That’s when the bouncing began. House to house, child to child, friend to friend, town to town, School to school, church to church. And just when I thought that I found a good friend, someone who was just just like me, they turned out to be double faced and quite mean. I was always the byword, the joke.
I just wanted someone to love me. There were handsome guys that wanted to take me to the prom in 12th grade but their parents wouldn’t allow them to take me because I was “the street kid.” Therefore the lady that I lived with at the time made me go to the prom with the local garbage man. He was about 20 years older than I and the whole thing was a joke. To this day there is a family that didn’t like me that kept my prom pictures. And every now and then they would drag them out on holidays to show them to people so that they could laugh at me. This happened in my life which is a very very long story… until age hit me. Now that I’m older and I see the mistakes that I made, the people that I tried to please that didn’t deserve my attention, and the people that I put on pedestals that really should have been underneath my feet, I now see that God is the one that I should spend all of my energies on. I was always there to do things for people. I was always the one to run to the store for everybody’s mother. In my circle of friends I was the only driver. When my car’s broke down I had no friends. No one came to see me on holidays because no one could drive. Up to this day my right knee is almost blown from driving all these years. I’m so glad for the grace of God that keeps me walking everyday when the devil meant for my harm. If we are not careful we will continue to say yes when God intends for us to say no. All my life between the way that I was being treated in all of the homes and being in the Marine Corps at the age of 21, I always kept my eyes down like an old slave, I always said yes ma’am yes sir, or no ma’am and no sir. I was always the one that people could depend on to get things done and it is not because I was good, it was because I felt that I should do these things for people. We have to be very very careful that we don’t fall into the Trap of being needed. To end this I want to tell someone out there to stop it. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Enjoy your life, be nice, but learn to say no it is your right, and you do not have to please everybody. Just make sure you please God. Have a good day.