We take so many things for granted in this life. We spend so much time wondering who likes us, what others are doing and whether or not we are doing the right thing at all times. We struggle with projects and give them our all without even thinking of whether it was meant for us or if anyone really cares.
I’ve been struggling lately with something spiritual, physical, mental and emotional. For a few days now I’ve been passing it over, waiting for my change in life to come yet nothing ever comes my way. If anything is good, it walks right through me as though I wasn’t even standing there. I’ve been having highs in a certain area of my life and lows and to be honest, I am totally confused. No, it is not bi-polarism or anything like that. I don’t know how to handle this problem. I have gotten to the point where I am sometimes afraid to go to sleep. I may not wake up. I am not trying to scare anyone but if you are a believer, please pray for me? I don’t have a million readers or anything anyway so I am sure that not many will see this. And God only knows who will care. This old gal is praying to see another day. I am looking for tomorrow really, in hopes that it will be better than my last 55, almost 56 years. If I make it to December 7th I’ll be 56. Pearl Harbor. If I don’t make it overnight, someone tell my daughter and son to not pick up anything that I was doing. I want them to continue living their lives and pray for better days for themselves and do the best that they can to make it. I wish that I had given them a better life but that was too much like right.
Just like the poems that I wrote in the 70’s that became famous and are on key rings, cards and everything else, just let my works pass on and bless someone else if that is in God’s plan. My old college landlord stole my notebooks and voila! My poems mysteriously ended up on Hallmark cards. I didn’t get a dime…lol. Wow. There is a thing of setting up something good for someone else, King David did it. He wanted to build the Temple for God so bad but God told him that he was a man of bloody hands so his son Solomon would build it. Imagine how David felt when he heard that. He loved the Lord with all of his heart and the Lord rejected his dream because David was a warrior.
Is there anyplace in Heaven for us Warriors? I hope so. I’ve been a warrior on the battlefield all of my life. I’ve been fighting since my second mom died when I was 8 and I am tired now. Something has got to give.
The way that things usually go with me, I will wake up tomorrow, stretch, thank God for a new day and rise up to gossip, slander and instigators like I do everyday. I am waiting for the Lord to give me my country home full of peace but until then, I guess that I have to be included in hellish activities. Now I understand what the bible meant when it said that Lot’s soul was vexed. I am vexed and tired with no mate to at least be by my side to tell me to “hang in there and don’t be afraid.” Men are afraid of me I guess because they are afraid that I will “preach” to them. Then I was in the Marine Corps years ago too so that instantly makes me a barking dog I suppose. This is what female preachers have to go through. It’s sooooo much fun. 😐
If I make it through the night, I’ll be back to write something else I suppose. Lol. If I don’t, know this……I AM happy.
Thanks for reading if there is anyone out there who really does. So far, I’ve only been a Magnet for Trolls who pretend to like me or companies that keep their eyes on me in case that I “happen” to do well for myself. Maybe my luck will change?